Not A Party, not a problem


January 1

Keep raining down the hate on those vile tobacco smokers with our cheeky fag shaming tax hike of yet another 10% for the 3rd year in a row, as promised in our realistic and honest quest for a SmokefreeNZ by 2025.

We, The New Zealand Government, have successfully made stressing out more popular, and smoking evil cigarettes less popular, by denigrating and vilifying tobacco users via implementation of our grand old smoke free social engineering program. The harsh economic penalties we continue to dump on smokers are not even questioned by the status quo, as our campaign to educate one and all about the truth concerning smokers has, so far, been delightfully successful. Tobacco addicts are illiterate filthy disgusting pariahs who wish only to rob you of your oxygen, infect you with their cancer, and poison all your children to death.

As a control measure it is better to have smokers huddled out the back of establishments, crouching in bushes, standing in the rain, and generally avoiding lighten up places out of fear for their physical safety rather than from any sense of manufactured guilt. A smoker’s guilt is something for all nonsmokers to be concerned with, on the smoker’s behalf, as any show of guilt and shame coming from a smoker in the form of an apology or excuse is fake and cannot be trusted. A smoker doesn’t just not care about their ruining the lungs of your children, it is worse than that. Smokers are actively trying to kill everybody, and it’s up to the growing numbers of proud and righteous nonsmokers to defend not just themselves but all of humanity. Except for the smokers, obviously. But they don’t really count as humans anymore. Remember the adage- the best defence is a merciless attack. The less guilty a smoker appears to feel, the more opportunity there is to verbally abuse, spit on, throw rubbish at, and ultimately bash their hideous faces in repeatedly with a nebuliser until their bloody eye socket becomes an ideal receptacle with which to extinguish that nasty fucking cancer spreading stink stick they were sucking on.

From here to 2025:~ As great as it is that we have created scapegoats of immoral certainty as a way of diverting attention away from our own unprincipled existence, we do see a complication on the horizon before meeting our 2025 smokefree New Zealand goal. Even though ramping up fag taxes was sold to the punters as a vindictive punishment they could feel smug about, it was actually the only way to maintain the tobacco associated revenue stream we’ve become accustomed, nay entitled, to at the same time as tobacco sales invariably decrease. Last year we earmarked $6million for application over the next 3 years to form a think tank committee comprised of all our best math-head boffins, science squints, public relations gurus and sly marketing consultants to try and project when this inevitable (more-taxes><less-tax-victims) tipping point is most likely to turn critical, and to devise some possible scenarios for resolving how we can continue to feed the disharmony eroding communities nationwide without losing a single on the deal. Initial suggestions of relaxing prohibition laws controlling cannabis use and cultivation just enough to tax the ever loving shit out of it look most promising indeed. Hahahaha SUCK IT smokers!