Not A Party
24 June 2018
A couple of weeks ago, we had a few beers at the Not A Party HQ. It was a glorious occasion where we talked shit, ignored prohibition and certainly didn’t need the government to help us celebrate.
As the night progressed, we watched the election results roll in with a great amount of disinterest, and eventually we called a toast for a great result. Less than 50% of the electorate had turned out to vote and, let’s be honest, why would they bother?
My individual score was five votes too many. Those five people must have some sort of personal issue with me and wanted to send a strong message of hatred by slinging votes my way. Either that, or they got the joke and hoped that electing me would lead to more laughs. Thankfully we’ll never know. I’m far too busy for that kind of carry on.
It was hilarious to see the One Nation of Racism candidate Kym Koloni fail to crack the hundy despite putting all that effort in, and satisfying to see both ACT and the Greens lose their election deposits by not reaching 5%. That’s what you get for becoming an appendage to the larger parties! The pendulum swings from blue to red and back again, while the little guys get eaten and achieve nothing.
This is yet another travesty of the in-joke that is representative democracy. An undeniable majority of people in Northcote chose not to vote. Not to send Dan Bidois off to sit in a seat at the back of Parliament and collect six figures of extorted taxpayers’ money. Those non-votes will be ignored.
The non-voting public can rest easy though. While the gravy train passengers squabble to falsely represent you, despite the strong message you sent by not voting for any of them, we at Not A Party will continue to not represent you and let you do your own thing. Personally I’ll be off to work, the grass keeps on growing back.